Hey I can Ski……

First day on the slope which means only one thing…….SKI LESSON!!!!

If I’m going to ski off a cliff (which you can do here, see pic) at least I want to have good form.

After getting fitted for the beginners ski package (read I’m never getting off the bunny slope) we signed up for lessons with a studley (just in case he reads this) teacher by the name of Bruce, he was very nice but obviously had never taught folks like us.

He asked if we had skied before and we replied “YES!!!!!!!!!” so he immediately took us up a hill to “check out our form”, what he never asked was could we get off a chair lift???

Now if you have never skied before, getting to the run requires defining gravity; which means positioning yourself on a ramp with ski’s/poles and sitting down on an open chair lift as it hits your backside.

This chair will “lift” you to your preferred choice of death……..I mean Ski run, which are color code for your convenience.

Green; if you fall, you live.
Blue; if you fall, you will need some medical attention.
Black; if you fall you deserve ALL of the pain you will be in.
DOUBLE, BLACK, DIAMOND; if you fall, no worries death is instantaneous.

Well we being “beginners” we went up to the first green run and as we approached the dismount hill; yes you have to dismount the comfy chair lift, that’s when I REALLY impressed Bruce.

To dismount all you have to do is wait for the chair to get to the ramp, sit up, place skis on snow and let the chair “gently” push you down the hill.

My wife has her own technique; which involves putting her ski poles in-between my skis causing me to dodge her poles or else fall flat on my face…..

Over the years I have “protected” myself by riding on another lift and giving Ana to some other unsuspecting male skier……they are like’ Hey there baby”, but don’t suspect that their skiing days are over.


Since we were taking lessons I had to ride up with her and Bruce and of course I was in the middle, which meant I was screwed.

To make a short story long, I found out that I was a better skier then I thought.

As I gallantly waited until Ana and Bruce had cleared the “dismount” area, I than made my impressive “dismount”…….unfortunately it was after the Chair had cleared the “dismount” area and I “dismounted” into thin air……(the Russian judge gave me a 6.5)

Bruce promptly took me up to the DOUBLE, BLACK, DIAMOND death run……………..

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