Before…

Here I am minding my own business thinking about what crazy topic I could write about today and as it’s election season, my mind is on Strong Mayor (NO), NCD update (Yes), Melreese Golf Course and No Bid Public Land contracts (NO and more on this another day) and just how stupid our District Commissioner is (VERY)…..when all of a sudden the interwebs throw me a bone in the form of an email from a client asking why their property has the wrong address on Zillow!

As most of you know I hate Zillow, it’s Real Estate Porn and should not be used by the general public (only pimple face, Cheetos eating, teenage boys living in their parents basement) and below is yet another reason why.

Some boring background first, in this gig you have “Listing” agents and then everyone else and everyone else wants to be a “Listing” agent but since they can’t be “Listing” agent, they will do some shady shit to ‘Pirate” My “Listing” as their own.

AND

Zillow is a great platform for all this shady shit…

Ok, back to story…

Client sends me an email asking why does their property have the wrong address and am I an idiot because I don’t even know that I have the property listed under the wrong address?

Pretty harsh but I’m a big boy so I reply “Huh?” and follow up with “Let me look into it” (BTW; I spend countless hours looking into stuff) and so I do.

With a few quick strokes of my computer keys I find that some low life agent has taken my listing, changed a “70” to a “60” on the address and now is the contact point for my Listing.

Now I expect this from non ethical scammers trying to screw people out of money BUT a licensed Florida Realtor?

Oh, yeah this is Miami Real Estate, who am I trying to Kid…..”Ethics”….Really?

Get’s better.

I reach out to my Boy who has changed the listing and politely ask him to remove said listing and he replies….AND I cant make this shit up (because I have it in a text).

“What’s the Address”

followed by

“Please give me the address to be removed.”

At least there was a please and finished with…

“Sorry for the inconvenience. Thanks for let it me know. have a great day!”

So lets break this down….

“What Address”

Meaning he has done this before….

“Please give me the address to be removed.”

Really, got that many pirate addresses and since when do I work for you?

“Sorry for the inconvenience. Thanks for let it me know. have a great day!”

He’s sorry, he’s glad I let him know and he wishes me a “Great Day” but at no point admits that what he did is completely unethical (even for Miami) and simply wrong!

God I love this Gig.

 

 

 

 

I’ve probably mentioned this before BUT I have driven all sorts of automobiles in my life and over the years I found one thing to be true; does not matter what kind of fast ride you drive, your average speed in the Magic City will top out at 14 MPH…

I used to have a really sweet 993 Porsche Convertible (well actually Ana drove it) and it was lots of fun and I remember taking it on a road trip up to Rhode Island and back…

True Story:

During the trip we made a stop in the Big Apple and that’s where I learned that NY Bus Drivers do not and I mean NOT give a crap about your ride as I had one cut me off while I was trying to sneak in a quick right hand turn off 5th ave to get to the tunnel.

Another True Story:

Saw one of the coolest Hollywood style accidents on I95 (no one hurt) but I know the driver that went off on the side of road crapped his pants…

Where was I going with this???

Oh, so Ana after years of driving the 993 decided that she wanted to get a Jeep and we did AND she just got a make over.

I know other Realtors ride up in fancy cars trying to impress (been there, got a tee shirt) but after a while you realize…don’t matter the Ride…still only going 14MPH.

Be afraid, very afraid….

I have the BEST and I mean BEST excuse to get a Gym Membership, it’s called a…..

A “Peloton” stationary bike!

Back story:

Ana and I have been “Spinning” for a very long time (Ana way longer then I) and we thought, “what the hell lets get one of these Bikes” as for the cost associated with it, its worth it.

If you don’t know what spinning is; its sitting on a bike that goes nowhere (where I’m from it would be called broken) and getting yelled at by some psycho instructor WHO BTW is not spinning as hard as you because they are faking it!

Classes tend to be about 45 mins long and in the end you feel like hell, short of breath and you smell bad (at least I do).

NOW….

Take that feeling and multiply it 10 fold and that’s what you get when you take a “Peloton” virtual class from some psycho instructor who you know is also faking it but you really can’t say anything because they are in New York (in a “studio”) and you are in your home ( in a “garage”) close to death.

Yeah, I know that some super duper athlete is going to say “Jav, man up” and “You should be able to do 70 resistance at 90 cadence and produce 400 output” and I stopped listening as I just passed out….

True Story.

I have a client who owns one and when we were chatting and I mentioned that I had gotten one and it was pretty cool which they replied “Do you find it very hard to keep up with the classes” and I said yeah, they are tough.

Which they countered “because we can’t even get past 40 resistance and we thought ours was broken and had it exchanged but the new one is still hard as hell”.

So why the title of Post?

The other day Ana and I wanted to work out and we looked at each other, looked at the bike……

And we went to the GYM!

I don’t know if this happens to everyone but I’ll be damn if it does not happen to me every time I need to be somewhere (in this case a meeting with a new client) and as I am trying to leave my home….

Chaos….

So most of you know that I can control the weather, usually it involves my vacations and hurricanes.

BUT

Did you know I also control what time your trash or recycle is going to be picked up?

You didn’t did you.

Here’s how it works.

IF I take out my Trash/Recycle Bin the evening before pick up, the trash folks come late in the day BUT  IF I do not take out the Trash/Recycle Bin the evening before they come….at [email protected]#$%^ Dawn.

Like this morning where I figured it’s recycle day, they never show up early, I have time…Nope

Around 6:30AM, I’m nice and toasty in bed when I hear the squeaking brakes of that Blue monster and I jump out of bed and scurry down the stairs (another story just came to mind) and run outside, grab the bin and…..miss the truck cause they already passed by….

Now since I have experience in this little show, I walk across the street and place the Bin on the other side of the road WHICH ensures that it will now be picked up somewhere around 5 PM.

Another true story and this one goes back years, I also control the stock and commodities market.

Back in my Baking days we accumulated large quantities of Cardboard, it was just a thing we did. In an effort to be “Green” (This was way before it was popular) I decided to be the ONLY business to install a Big Blue container so that we could recycle all of the Cardboard that we accumulated.

So for the longest time we would neatly pile up the Cardboard in the bin and EVERY single day some dudes in Pick Up trucks would jump in the bin and take all the cardboard, not kidding this went on for years.

Well since the Bin was never full and the Company that I hired never really had anything to pick up I cancelled the service and…….you guessed it.

The very next day the Cardboard market plummeted and NO ONE would pick up the cardboard.

Stock Market?

I got out at 18.2, want me to make it crash???

Blue Bins @Gotta Jav Miami

But not for this little dude…

Hanging out in the hood…

Foxes @Gotta Jav Miami

Except for this guy…

You are about to read a real email exchange between a Real Estate Agent and yours truly. I have removed the agents name because it would be wrong to out this [email protected]#$%^&*(But he must be important because his last name contains 3 I’s)

He starts with this as the “Subject” Line:

y’all are seriously lazy (apparently Triple I is from the south) and continues with….

“So I used Show Assist (why not just put Erica’s # in the Broker Remarks?), and Erica reminds me that tomorrow is New Years Day (Thanks for reminding me. I should review my priorities and wait until Feb. to be productive), and can I please call back to reschedule later in the week?

I noticed she didn’t say she was out of the country or state.

All you have to do with listings, to make the same amount of money as the SELLING agent, is to put the thing on Lockbox and receive the offers. 

It’s easy, dude.”

My client is is looking for an immediate lease.

Which I replay with;

Really?

Happy New Year.

J

Which gets me this piece of wordsmithing….

Maybe your assistant needs an assistant for when, like, she can’t, like show it.

Or a supra would be great.

enjoy your new year, bro

Which got him this reply from me:

Again, really?

I wish you the best in this business…

J

Which got me no reply and yes the “I wish you the best in this business” was harsh on my part.

BUT Lets recap Triple I’s observations, with my comments below each one.

1; “y’all are seriously lazy”

We manage over 100 properties for our clients, Lazy is not one of the words that folks would associate to us.

2; “So I used Show Assist (why not just put Erica’s # in the Broker Remarks?)”

We use show assist because it registers any agent looking at the property and allows us to follow up with any questions (not lazy but not taking the extra step to look a show assist is)

3; “I should review my priorities and wait until Feb. to be productive”

You should, New Years Day??? How about one of the few days you spend with family? 

And if it takes you till February to be productive….get out of Real estate.

4; “I noticed she didn’t say she was out of the country or state.”

No clue where triple I was going with this, but I’m pretty sure I know.

5; “to make the same amount of money as the SELLING agent”

Make a bet right now Triple I that if you are working on New Years Day as an agent….I’m doing way better than you.

6; “It’s easy, dude”

Never easy, just see what kind of agents I have to deal with

7; “My client is is looking for an immediate lease.”

THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE RED FLAG IN REAL ESTATE LEASING….When you hear this RUN.

8; “Maybe your assistant needs an assistant for when, like, she can’t, like show it.”

Like, great grammar here.

9; “Or a supra would be great.”

Triple I must be use to “just showing up” and killing a deal (easy) but maybe just maybe he should do his home work and realize that not every HOA allows Supra’s or LBX’s so that random people can access properties….but that would involve “work”.

10; And that my name is “Dude & Bro”

What up Harold?

Sorry I could not resist.

Tip for Triple I, be nice in 2018 and you may get by as a Real Estate agent…

Happy New Year @Gotta Jav Miami

 

We were invited to participate in this years Strut for the main reason that I have a jeep with big wheels.

As you can see there is a big sign in front and our group was doing an NRA parody.

Now this was the good picture….(Thank you Grape)

BUT

For those of you that may want to “tarnish” my stellar “political” image, there may be a photo out there that shows me behind my jeep smiling with a beer in one hand, a hang loose in the other……

and…..

I forgot….

That there was also a sign attached to the back of the jeep that lets just say….

No one should smile or hang loose at!

When someone from the crowd tried to save me from myself by calling out “Hey why you smiling”?

I said It’s a Parade!

And now you know why I’ll never be elected….

Before you smile, read @Gotta Jav Miami”